Didim Today

If you’ve seen the ads for Tim Burton’s re-imagining (re-imagineering?) of Alice In Wonderland, you know the pop goth director has infused this flick with his typical layer of wholesale gloom. Wonderland’s actually called Underland now, the skies are grayer than Ed Asner, and Johnny Depp’s Mad Hatter looks like Zombie Carrot Top. It’s such a shame Burton never finished that Nic Cage Superman movie.

Helena Bonham Carter would have made a great eyeliner-streaked Victorian Lois Lane. It should come as no surprise that Almost Alice, the collection of pop music inspired by Tim’s version of Alice In Wonderland, is an equally depressed affair chock full of overly-serious emo tracks from the likes of Avril Lavigne, Shinedown, Tokio Hotel, and Motion City Soundtrack. Whimsy no longer exists in this dojo.

Talking rabbits and invisible cats are a grim, frightening reality that will test your mettle inside and out. Alice may not cry in Burton’s retelling of her story, but she does apparently “bleed the colors of the evening stars” (or so says Owl City). Refresh my memory: isn’t this story supposed to be about taking handfuls of drugs to escape humorless facts like that? Sounds like all these people need to scarf some ’shrooms and chillax the f out.

The only song on Almost Alice that breaks from the pack to exhibit any kind of fun comes courtesy of Estonian pop star Kerli. Her “Tea Party” is spirited, danceable, and delectably vapid. It’s the lone upbeat gem floating in a sea of frowny slew surprisingly sponsored by Disney, the Happiest Multi-National Corporation On Earth (does Donald Duck know he’s co-signed on a Mark Hoppus/Pete Wentz collaboration?). “Tea Party” might also be the only song on Almost Alice that doesn’t use the phrase “down the rabbit hole,” although I’ll admit I wasn’t keeping a running tally.

Almost Alice ends with a serviceable cover of Jefferson Airplane’s hypnotic “White Rabbit”, perhaps the best tune to ever hit on plot points from Lewis Carroll’s classic tale, by Grace Potter & the Nocturnals. No disrespect to the Nocturnals, but methinks Timmo should have lobbied for the Damned’s cover of “White Rabbit” here as repayment for ripping off their singer Dave Vanian’s 1980s stage attire for Johnny Depp’s look in Sweeney Todd.

You know, Tim’s put Johnny in so many top hats and ruffled shirts throughout his career—what’s up with that? When’s the last time anyone saw Johnny Depp wearing clothes from this century? These two just love playing dress up. Nothing wrong with that, I guess. Seems to keep people happy and the money rolling in. And by the way, this will have a couple of potential spoilers in it. You’ve been warned. And marrying one of my favorite mythos with one of my favorite filmmakers was a no-brainer.

The movie began and I was transfixed. Sure, I thought the overt use of symbolism from Wonderland was a bit overt, but I swallowed it down wanting to love the movie and it worked. And when Alice fell down the rabbit hole, I had the chills.